After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
