Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
