I smell stomach acid.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
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Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
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ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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