I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
