So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
