Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
