He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
