did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
