Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
