my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
