i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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