are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
