We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
