i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
apparently the secret to your success is patron
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
