I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
