Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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