my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
