it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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