is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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