So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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