Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
