he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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