Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
