He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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