But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
