so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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