Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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