Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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