i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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