i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
And then he peed in my hair
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