can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
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Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
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How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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