i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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