She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
