Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
