Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(858): View more from California

You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.

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(905): View more from Toronto

9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.

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(818): View more from California

dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks

(626): View more from California

well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person

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(847): View more from Illinois

We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.

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(504): View more from Louisiana

today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please

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(707): View more from California

We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor

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(804): View more from Virginia

I could fuck to npr.

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