My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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