Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
