I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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