you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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