He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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