Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
