I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
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