That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
