you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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