Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
