There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
