I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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