ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
