my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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