Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
