First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
