I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
