I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
