Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
