i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
