dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
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at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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