can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
