Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
