I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
