I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
