I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
