Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
