My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
