It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
