why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
These tits shall not be calmed
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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