Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
