Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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