Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
