Don't make out with my wife yet
Soap is not a condiment
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
