hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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