I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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