there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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